The frigid air bit at my skin as the door closed behind us.
The sky was black.
The only source of light came from behind frosted windows and the sparse scattering of streetlights.
My hands were cold.
You stood next to me, excited as I was, for having learned a new song together. Singing the words under our breath, we walked to the end of the driveway, stopping in the middle of the sidewalk.
Despite the late hour, you spoke loudly and exuberantly, making me laugh and giggle.
I shoved my hands in the tiny pockets of my black bomber jacket and shrugged my shoulders up to my neck for warmth.
I complimented on how good your voice was and asked if your friends knew how well you could sing. You said that you had told them that you were singing duets with a girl, and that, in response, they had asked if I was cute.
You had told them that I was.
Bashful and blushing from head to toe, I thanked you.
You leaned in for our usual goodnight hug.
You didn’t know where to put your arms. Over my shoulders? Or around my waste?
You settled for the shoulders.
Our embrace lasted longer than usual and as I pulled back I looked into your eyes.
And then I was kissing you.
I didn’t know who started it. Whether it be me or you. But our lips were moving together and your tongue was demanding my welcome.
Our tongues were touching, moving against one another.
It was an odd experience. Mostly wet and foreign.
The thoughts began racing through my mind.
Is this what its supposed to feel like? Where are the fireworks, the romantic music playing in the background?
It was my first time.
Maybe I was doing it wrong?
I tilted my head back before he was ready.
I was warm.
My heart was fluttering like a lost moth within my chest.
You breathed that you knew it from the first time you saw me sing.
I said the same.
It felt natural to take your hand in mine as we turned and began walking down the street.
I was walking in the wrong direction.
I stopped some minutes later.
You lowered your head for more.
I opened my eyes.
All I saw were stars.
All I felt was panic.
This was wrong.
I pulled back and said I had to go...
You pulled me in for one last hug...
And then I was running away, not feeling the pavement beneath my feet or the wind whipping through my hair.
All I could do was think.
I reached my front door, fumbling with my keys.
I would have to tell him that this wasn’t what I wanted.
And I would lose him.
It was then that I realized that the easiest way to lose a friend...
Is to kiss them.
By Sarah Ng